Heart of Fire
Audio: Heart of Fire
I was given into darkness
following the lord of night
in the cold hard lands of blackness
dark is more then lack of light.
stealing, lying, taking, burning
cursing all with every breath
never fearing, never learning
life is more then lack of death.
a heart of fire set me free
my master, lord and fate
cleansing eyes so I can see
love is more then lack of hate.
February 9th, 2011 at 6:15 pm
Marlin:
This poem has the potential to become a rather good poem. You have a good start here, but it lacks depth, imagery, and meter. (Ah, meter; just not a musical concept). My ears are keen to meeter, since they be help me to compose music. I want you to describe how Satan the poet, what made the character (or you) follow him. What made you do all of this things? Think hard how this contrasts with Christ’s overpowering light. This will add depth and imagery to your poem. Also, the meter is off a bit. It is irregular at times. Rhythm is one way to add meter, but not the way. Think about pulse and how the words bounce. I like how dark this poem is. That made me jump up for joy, knowing that dark poems and stories is what I mostly read, but not all the time. I sure others will comment on this dark poem here. That’s it for now. Keep writing!!!